Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
