i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
