I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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