yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
