Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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