it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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