My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
