i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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