For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
