it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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