the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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