You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
