Porn is love you can see.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
