I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
