Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
