So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
