she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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