The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
