You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
