Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
