oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
