This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
