4 words: hood of his car
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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