No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
