mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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