My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
