no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
