Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
