She is in my trunk
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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