after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
