Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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