I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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