You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
