i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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