3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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