Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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