FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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