just come out here and I will go home with you...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
