Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dick very happy bro
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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