So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
