Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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