Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
