dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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