dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
