After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
