In America we eat man semen.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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