and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
