I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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