I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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