dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
