Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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