And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i think i have two assholes
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
