Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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